After a summer visit with her grandparents, my niece, Tay Tay, who was 3 years old at the time, was packing her backpack to return home. At the last moment, Tay Tay grabbed the Bernie doll and stuffed it into her bag “because it looked like her Grandpa.”

You be the judge:

The Grandpa-Bernie doll was my niece’s constant companion… she ate with him, she cuddled with him at night. One day, she left Grandpa-Bernie unattended and one of our pit bulls used him as a chew toy. We think it was Jaan Ji.

The dog:

Grandpa-Bernie:

Tay Tay was upset because she thought that her Grandpa-Bernie doll got hurt by our dogs due to her not taking proper care of him. With tears welling in her big brown eyes, she brought the injured Grandpa-Bernie doll to her grandparents for consolation. Grandma flexed her super-Grandma powers and told Tay Tay that they would take Grandpa-Bernie to the hospital to fix him. She found the new Bernie doll and swapped him out (again) and all hearts were soothed in our home.

Out of an abundance of caution, we did purchase more Bernie inauguration dolls. Since that initial mauling, Tay Tay was careful not to leave Grandpa-Bernie and Grandma-Bernie unprotected from any trolling pit bulls. The two “extra Bernies” were then converted to two Uncle-Bernies.

Now everyone in our immediate family wants their own Grandpa-Grandma-Bernie dolls. We will continue to scour the internets for new Bernie inauguration dolls. If you have a lead, connect with us on X/Twitter: @village_values. Until then, from our heart to yours.

Thank you [Xièxiè (谢谢), Dhanyavaad (धन्यवाद), Gracias, Merci, Shkran lak (شكرًا لك), Dhan'yabāda (ধন্যবাদ), Obrigado, Spasibo (Спасибо), Shukriya (شکریہ), Asante, Gamsahabnida (감사합니다)) for reading!